ok here i cum wid my answer, plz parh k bore mat hoyieh ga sab
kher, jitna mujhe yaad hai jab main choti thi abt 7-8 yrs old or may b 9-10 tab main bot sensitive aur khamosh c thi. koi b baat kahe tou fatt se rona start kar deti ya agar koi baat meri marzi k khilaaf ho tou ghussa aur sad ho k beth jaati. like main sab subjects main kaafi zaheen thi but english bot kamzor thi aur roz teacher kehti k aainda sabaq yaad kar k aana , n u know wahan tou rattay laganay parte hain lol, per english kabi zehen main nai aati tou ek din teacher ne kaha k kal agar sabaq nai aaya tou main tumhain is stick se maaroongi aur main bas us stick ko dekh k hi darr gai, aur rona start kar diya. us k baad wo skool b chor diya aur doosra skool join kar liya. zidd nai karti thi aur na hi kabi battameezi, but main kuch kahay baghair bas naraz c ho jaati
darti b bot thi
kher Primary k baad jab main High skool aai tou kaafi change ho gai, yahan bot saari frnds b banai aur is skool ka mahol b esa tha k kuch hi months main mera behavior amazingly change ho gaya. pehle main dari c aur chup rehti but abi main aur meri best frnd, hum dono poore skool main shararten karti thin
in fact teachers se b frndship ho gai thi aur almost sabhi skool ki girls jaanti thin. yahan aa kar mera rawaiyya ya nature keh len, esi ho gai k main har waqt mazaq aur fun k mood main rehna chahti thi,. jab tak main doosron se koi funny baat ya joke suna k unhain hasa nai loon mujhe chain nai milta tha. pehle primary main baqi larkiyon se darti thi, per abi agar koi mujhe kuch kehti tou main un se face to face baat kar k khamosh karati, sumtimes tou larti b thi. ab tak ki life main ye pehla accha change tha jis main mene life ko bot enjoy kiya
den jab idhar aaye tou mahol change tha, log b so yahan aa k main wapis thori khamosh rehne lagi, lekin ziyada arsa nai raha esa, soon jab meri frnds bani tou mera rawaiyya pehle jesa ho gaya. lekin ab main sirf frnds se hi hasi mazaq karti thi, baqi class walon se, ya ghar main kabi hasi mazaq nai kiya. yr11 tak esa raha, but jab main college main aai, tou mahol change hone ki wajah se, study environment aur teachers frndly the, plus hamari outdoor activities b barh gai tou is mere mind pe accha asar para. pehle se ziyada khush rehna start kar diya aur teachers se n class main baqi sab se b hasi mazaq karti. is ka suboot b yeh hai k jab mene TM join kiya ya baqi sab jo mujhe shurooh se jaante hain idhar wo jaante hain how i was like
tab zehen b itna bachpana sa tha aur main thi b thori bewakoof, internet world/community ka itna experience b nai tha is liye main har ek se jaldi frank ho jaati, yehi wajah k kaafi dafa unexpected b hua aur yahin se mene cheezon pe dhayan dena shurooh kiya, bot kuch naya seekhne ko mila n all.
magar idhar members se mera rawaiyya still bot frndly tha, n many members like RR, Pari, Farry n others know k main kabi kisi ko sad nai hone deti thi, aur kabi khud b nai hui. aur hoti b is liye nai k kabi b kisi baat pe ziyada deeply nai socha, agar koi preshani ki baat ho b tou mein apna zehen acchi aur khush gaqar baaton ki taraf kar deti , aur kuch hi der main patah b nai chalta k koi baat hui b ya nai.
anyways, us k baad wen i turned 19 or may b between 19-20, tab se meri life ka worse part start hua, may b ALHAMDULILLAH life pehle se better hui hai, balki alot better, but m talking abt nature wise, maine har baat ko bot closely lena start kar diya, choti choti baat ko negative lena start kar diya, hasne ka jab mood hota tab has deti, aur choti choti baat pe rona. in short k meri bachpan wali sensitivity wapis aa gai
. kher main fir v koshish karti k pehle jesa hasoon, mazaq karoon aur is koshish main kamyab b rahi.
mere poori life stages k muqaable i consider k abi mujh main ziyada maturity aai hai, har baat ko deeply aur us k kahi pehlu'on se dekhti hoon, sahi ghalat ki pehchan/tameez aa gai hai, per is k oppposite main agar koi b sad news, kisi ka ghalat rawaiyya , ya esa kuch dekh looon ya sun loon tou wo baat mere zehen se chipak c jaati hai, aur us pe pooora poora din balki itne din sochti rehti hoon. balki agar koi c b baat ho, even acchi b (like yahan Islam main ya kahi aur threads lagti hain jin main hamare liye lesson ho) tou us pe b sochti hoon k is baat ka kya matlab, kese , kyun vaghaira vaghaira.
agar main kuch ghalat karoon tou mujhe ghanton us pe malaal sa rehta hai k mene esaa kyun kiya, jab k pehle main kuch b karti, kabi us pe ghaur nai kiya balki jo hua so hua wali baat thi.
anyways, many people say to me now k main bot boring ho gai hoon, bot chup c hoon n all
but to me i like myself this way, jis main acche buray ki tameez ho, manners hon, samajdari etc ho. i do laugh sometimes, n i do jokes with TM Members n my frnds also, but jab mujhe lagta hai k kisi baat pe hasna hai tab, warna bilawajah ka hasna pasand nai mujhe. m getting closer to my religion, which never was before.
may b aage se mere behavior main aur changes aayen, but i dunno k kese hongay woh. sumtimes halaat ki wajah se hamare nature/behavior/soch pe effects aate hain, aur sumtimes age ki wajah se, so letz c
but at the end, one word ALHAMDULILLAH
